Come Clean
by lovexaddictionxx
Summary: Emma basically has a mental breakdown, then finds a new outlet for her pain. Sorry, I suck at summaries. *songfic*


Disclaimer: No, I don't own Degrassi: The Next Generation. I also don't own the song "Come Clean" by Hilary Duff. Ms. Duff along with some record company own that song, I'm assuming. All I own is this story, including Emma's poetry in bold.

Summary: Emma basically has a mental breakdown, then finds a new outlet for her pain. Sorry, I suck at summaries.

A/N: Oh, and btw, I wrote this fic a _really_ long time ago (like 2 years) so I'm aware it may suck :p

Emma felt her world crashing down right before her eyes. All these things have happened to her, she just wanted it all to end. How could this have happened to her? She ran down to her basement bedroom. She ran to her dresser, and threw everything all around. She tore everything she had off her bed, except for her pillow. She then jumped onto her bed, face down. She grabbed her pillow, put it to her mouth, and let out the biggest scream. She put the pillow over her head and continued to cry. Couldn't it all just be over? She knew it wouldn't. She knew her life would just keep going worse because she kept screwing up again, and again, and again. She knew everybody would just be happy without her.

_Let's go back  
Back to the beginning  
Back to where the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned  
'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect  
Trying to fit a square inside a circle was no lie  
I defy_

Emma tried to fall asleep, but she just couldn't. She would close her eyes, and all she would see is how her life went to crap. She's tried to turn her life around, but nothing good came out of it. All that came out of it was tears. More tears. And, she couldn't take it anymore. All she wanted to do was hear silence for once. But, all she heard was her parents upstairs, fighting. Again. Sometimes she wished Manny was still around, so she wouldn't have deal with all this by herself. But, Manny would just want her to get help. Emma didn't want help, she just wanted her life back. She didn't want to be this awful person anymore. She didn't want to be in love with him. She didn't want to be the enviornmental crusader. She didn't want to be known as the girl with the STD. She didn't want to be known as the girl that almost got shot by the psycho. She didn't want to be the anorexic slash bullimic girl. She didn't want parents who were on the verge of divorcing. She didn't want to be friends with school slut. She just wanted to be done with it all. She just wanted to go back. But, she knew she couldn't.

_Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams  
Let it wash away my sanity  
'Cause I wanna hear the thunder, I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean  
I'm coming clean_

She put her feelings to paper. She had done it in the past, but she had never felt like this before. She wrote these words in her journal, like she always did. But, for some reason, it felt different to her. Like it was important that she did this. She began writing.

**You'll see me smile all day to get rid of the pain  
But you'll never know it's not me  
And you'll never see the real me**

It was true. With the exception of after the shooting, and when she had bad eating habits, everybody viewed her as this amazingly happy person. Pretending to be happy was the only way she could convince others that she was happy. She had even convinced herself a few times. Even Manny didn't know the real her at times. Only Emma knew the real Emma. At least, she thought she did, anyway. The way her life had been going, she wasn't too sure anymore. Nobody knew that she was broken inside, because she hadn't acted any way for them to believe anything different.

_I'm shedding, shedding every color  
Trying to find a pigment of truth beneath my skin  
'Cause different doesn't feel so different  
And going out is better than always staying in  
Feel the wind_

She had a good idea about where she was going with her writing from there, so she kept going. She wrote and wrote and wrote. She had no idea where the sudden inspiriation was coming from. She amazed herself with her writing style, and her motivation to keep writing. A few times, she even forgot why she was pissed in the first place, and why she was even writing. Before she knew it, it was dark out. She had been writing since shortly after lunch time, after it happened.

_Let the rain fall down, and wake my dreams  
Let it wash away my sanity  
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder, I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean  
I'm coming clean_

A little while later, she started having writer's block, even though she only thought it was from the arthritis. She sat down and read everything she had just written. She couldn't believe that she actually considered herself talented. She smiled to herself. It was the first time in a long time that she had smiled, and meant it. She was really in awe of what she had wrote. She was a writer.

I'm coming clean  
I'm coming clean  
Let the rain fall  
Let the rain fall  
I'm coming clean

_Let the rain fall down, and wake my dreams  
Let it wash away my sanity  
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder, I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean  
I'm coming clean_

Emma finally believed in herself that everything would be alright.

_Let's go back, back to the beginning_


End file.
